Prioritising Marriage - Truth #ONE

“It’s okay, we have young kids, our time will come.”

This magical day does not exist, and will not come - unless you make it!

I was under the delusion that everything would work itself out one day. The kids are only little for so long. Then we'll have more time for us. Maybe once I finished breastfeeding, when the kids started daycare or school, or maybe when I was earning money again to ease the financial pressure.

My clients have said it too. That right now, they don't get time or have the capacity for intimacy, and they feel disconnected from each other, but it will all be okay eventually. 

But when does this magical day actually arrive?

When my kids are 8, they will be ‘old enough’ by then that I'll have more time for that. But, is that when your oldest is 8? Your youngest? Are you even done having babies yet or is that timeline still open? The “day” just keeps getting further and further away, and with each day that passes, your connection weakens, communication dwindles, and damaging resentment builds. 

We have to stop lying to ourselves! It's the same as the “I'll start the diet/gym/new habit on Monday” lie. We all know that when Monday rolls around we have a myriad of excuses why it can't start THIS Monday!  

I had three kids under four; I understand as well as anyone, the challenges that come with baby and toddler seasons. But I’d be completely NAIVE to think that once I’m clear of this season, that magically I’m not going to face any other challenges. Nope, they’re just new ones. I might not be woken up a million times a night to a baby crying, but now I’m dealing with bullies at school, extra-curricular activities, or enforcing technology boundaries in the home.

There will ALWAYS be an excuse or reason why your relationship isn’t your ‘priority’ right now.

If its not important enough for you now to take action, when will it ever be, really?

Some simple actions you can take today: 

• Greet your partner with a loving hug and/or kiss as soon as you/or they arrive home at the end of the day. 

• Verbally thank them for something they did for you or said to you. 

• No phone use in bed at nighttime. Instead, chat, play, be present and connect!