Prioritising Marriage - Truth #3
“I just want to give the kids everything I can to make their life the best I can.”
You DO have the time, you DON’T use it effectively.
In the year and a half before my marriage breakdown, I had started a sewing business as a side income, creative outlet, and for some purpose outside of just being a mum. It was going really well, and I was loving doing something I enjoyed in my spare time. But I became consumed by my work, and spent every evening and spare moment working ‘in’ or ‘on’ my business. I understand the need for a bit of hustle in the beginning, but I had ZERO boundaries when it came to work. I took on too much, burnt myself out, and spent no time with my husband, leading to us growing apart. Our marriage broke for various reasons, but in hindsight, I know that my lack of boundaries was one contributor that was completely my fault. I was an avid user of the excuse “I don’t have enough time”, and in the end my heart, kids and business paid the price.
The reality is, we aren’t taught how to form and maintain healthy love relationships in school, nor did a lot of us have healthy relationship role models in our homes growing up. We are just expected to ‘know’ what to do, or ‘wing it’. But when you have kids, no longer is it just about the two of you. There are little, innocent children relying on you to provide a happy, healthy and stable home! The stakes got WAYYYYY higher. So why are we not prioritising this?
Because life with small children is chaotic and all-consuming. A story that is reinforced EVERYWHERE we look online, in conversations at mothers group, and from our friends and family. A story that we use as an EXCUSE to make an effort!
Almost HALF of divorces after the age of 50, in Australia, are due the upheaval parents feel when their children leave home, leading to them reevaluating their relationship with their partner. It’s a complete shock to the system! I experienced exactly this with my own parents, and I know so many others who did too. But if we aren’t intentional with creating quality connection with our partner, and maintaining and nurturing it over the years, it’s NO WONDER we end up in our 50s standing next to a stranger, with nothing left holding us together.
The solution is simpler than you think. Neither of you have to move mountains to make this happen. My husband and I used to believe that we had to be kid-free in order to nurture our marriage and connection. Like it was some impossible feat to do whilst there were small children around. But this narrow mindedness meant that it was so easy to come up with excuses as to why we couldn't make it happen. There's no babysitter. I'm tired after a long week of work. It will cost too much money and we don't have spare dollars right now. But everyday moments of connection are free! So set the intention, and follow through!
If you spend hours watching Netflix or scrolling mindlessly on social media each night, YOU HAVE TIME to prioritise your relationship. It’s actually not about not having the time, it's about MAKING THE CHOICE to use that time in a more meaningful and proactive way. It’s not all about the BIG gestures or changes, it’s about an accumulation of small everyday actions that help improve connection.
Take a moment to actually reflect on how you spend your time. Is it really that you don't have enough to prioritise your relationship or is it that you are just choosing to numb or ignore?
No one else can do this for you. It's up to you.
